he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
