Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Randomize
