He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
My penis needs a shock collar
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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