I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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