Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
