I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
