Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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