idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
third nipple confirmed
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
