Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
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