no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
