She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
