Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
