How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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