girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
