i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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