So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
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