I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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