I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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