my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
