The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
We just shotgunned beers for America
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
