Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
