It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
