There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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