I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
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