u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
