I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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