so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
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