You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
