it was like his penis was on wheels.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
