There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
