you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
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