yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
