He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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