The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
