She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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