he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Randomize
