Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
