(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
