Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
