I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Blood and glitter go together right?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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