No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
