just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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