if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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