I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
