If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Randomize
