i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
