you're like a bully in the Christmas story
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
