What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
