He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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