That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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